Cashiering 101 - An attempt at comedy
There isn't really anything new to report so instead I will treat you to a little Wal-Mart Cashier 101.
Your Register
It's always (side note, remember that word. At Wal-Mart it's important). As I was saying, it's always important to keep your register clean at all times. That means making sure trash, roaches and Michael Jackson are nowhere to be found. Make sure that all items are where they're supposed to be (tampons with the candy makes for shaky sales).
Greeting the Customer
When a customer goes through your lane be sure to greet them warmly. Yelling "Get the hell out of my lane!" rarely goes over well with the managers and could result in dock in pay, termination, or a year supply of Spam. Always ask your customer if they found everything alright and ignore them until you are done scanning items. Which leads to the next point:
Scanning Items
Bar codes are a marvel of modern technology. Nobody quite knows how they work, but it is common belief that the item tells the scanner how much it is. You can be sure that when an item is not scanning the item and scanner are deep in conversation. This is when you drag out the scanning gun. It has more or less the same effect that a gun does in the hands of a skilled interrogator. Point, ask questions and fire.
Sacking
This is the most stressful part of the job. Luckily if you can remember this rule you're golden: stuff the entire order into one bag. No, seriously. Keep like items together. Of course, this means you could have a bag that has nothing but lip balm or butt cream. In this situation I have found that there is one thing that will almost always be able to save you: chips. Since chips come in a hermetically sealed package you can put them in with anything. Chips with soda, chips with fish, chips with motor oil, the list goes in. I know what you're probably thinking, what if they don't have chips? Well, good thing almost every customer will have at least 50 bags of chips (or bananas).
Completing the Sale
Tendering, aka forcibly removing money from your customers' wallet/account, is the whole point of you standing at that register. Not only does it keep Wal-Mart afloat, but more importantly it's fueling your paycheck. After you take the money from the customer you give them their reciept and, if they've been decent to you, thank them and tell them to have a nice life. If they've been a real pain in the ass then you just say "Get the hell out of my store!".
Now that you know the basics let's go through a real life scenerio:
YOU: Hi
CUSTOMER: Hi.
YOU: Did you find everything alright?
CUSTOMER: No. I wasn't able to find the strained kumquats and my dinner is all screwed! You go into a store called Wal-Mart and.... HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU DON'T PUT CHIPS WITH RAT POISEN!
YOU: Sorry. Did you want your condoms left out?
CUSTOMER: No, just toss them in with the bananas.
YOU: Your total comes to $68.86.
CUSTOMER: Okay, first I want to use this shopping card....
YOU: That brings it down to $45.67
CUSTOMER: Okay.... umm... here's $16.41....
YOU: $29.26
CUSTOMER: Oh, and here's a wad of coupons.
YOU: You didn't buy any tampons, sir.
CUSTOMER: What are you, blind? I did so... oh forget it. I'll pay the rest on my credit card.
YOU: Your card has been denied, sir.
CUSTOMER: Well, I just used it at Best Buy this morning when I bought my laptop! Geez! Fine, I'll write a check.
YOU: May I see your ID please?
CUSTOMER: Why?
YOU: The register is prompting for it. Have you written check here before?
CUSTOMER: NO! Fine, here's my ID...
YOU: There's your reciept sir. Thank you.
CUSTOMER: Ha! See if I ever shop here again.
ALL CASHIERS: (cheer)
Now you are fully prepared for the job that is cashiering at Wal-Mart. I'll see you all later :-)
Your Register
It's always (side note, remember that word. At Wal-Mart it's important). As I was saying, it's always important to keep your register clean at all times. That means making sure trash, roaches and Michael Jackson are nowhere to be found. Make sure that all items are where they're supposed to be (tampons with the candy makes for shaky sales).
Greeting the Customer
When a customer goes through your lane be sure to greet them warmly. Yelling "Get the hell out of my lane!" rarely goes over well with the managers and could result in dock in pay, termination, or a year supply of Spam. Always ask your customer if they found everything alright and ignore them until you are done scanning items. Which leads to the next point:
Scanning Items
Bar codes are a marvel of modern technology. Nobody quite knows how they work, but it is common belief that the item tells the scanner how much it is. You can be sure that when an item is not scanning the item and scanner are deep in conversation. This is when you drag out the scanning gun. It has more or less the same effect that a gun does in the hands of a skilled interrogator. Point, ask questions and fire.
Sacking
This is the most stressful part of the job. Luckily if you can remember this rule you're golden: stuff the entire order into one bag. No, seriously. Keep like items together. Of course, this means you could have a bag that has nothing but lip balm or butt cream. In this situation I have found that there is one thing that will almost always be able to save you: chips. Since chips come in a hermetically sealed package you can put them in with anything. Chips with soda, chips with fish, chips with motor oil, the list goes in. I know what you're probably thinking, what if they don't have chips? Well, good thing almost every customer will have at least 50 bags of chips (or bananas).
Completing the Sale
Tendering, aka forcibly removing money from your customers' wallet/account, is the whole point of you standing at that register. Not only does it keep Wal-Mart afloat, but more importantly it's fueling your paycheck. After you take the money from the customer you give them their reciept and, if they've been decent to you, thank them and tell them to have a nice life. If they've been a real pain in the ass then you just say "Get the hell out of my store!".
Now that you know the basics let's go through a real life scenerio:
YOU: Hi
CUSTOMER: Hi.
YOU: Did you find everything alright?
CUSTOMER: No. I wasn't able to find the strained kumquats and my dinner is all screwed! You go into a store called Wal-Mart and.... HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU DON'T PUT CHIPS WITH RAT POISEN!
YOU: Sorry. Did you want your condoms left out?
CUSTOMER: No, just toss them in with the bananas.
YOU: Your total comes to $68.86.
CUSTOMER: Okay, first I want to use this shopping card....
YOU: That brings it down to $45.67
CUSTOMER: Okay.... umm... here's $16.41....
YOU: $29.26
CUSTOMER: Oh, and here's a wad of coupons.
YOU: You didn't buy any tampons, sir.
CUSTOMER: What are you, blind? I did so... oh forget it. I'll pay the rest on my credit card.
YOU: Your card has been denied, sir.
CUSTOMER: Well, I just used it at Best Buy this morning when I bought my laptop! Geez! Fine, I'll write a check.
YOU: May I see your ID please?
CUSTOMER: Why?
YOU: The register is prompting for it. Have you written check here before?
CUSTOMER: NO! Fine, here's my ID...
YOU: There's your reciept sir. Thank you.
CUSTOMER: Ha! See if I ever shop here again.
ALL CASHIERS: (cheer)
Now you are fully prepared for the job that is cashiering at Wal-Mart. I'll see you all later :-)
posted by dxprog at
6:34 PM
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